Hello Everyone, I (Amanda) would like to share with you the story of my journey to salvation and personal relationship with Christ. When I was younger I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I don't remember much other then the baptism going under water and thinking I was done that's all it took. From birth I have always been in church. I participated in kids E.E. twice, Bible Drill, helped out in Awana, read my Bible, and I have even been on a mission trip to Nicaragua. I thought I was saved, I was baptised~ I am "covered" so to speak. In May of 2011 Elizabeth, Madison, and I were watching "Pilgrims Progress" I have seen that movie a dozen times before but this time was different. When it came to the end where the man stood at the gate and thought he was going into heaven but then was turned away, I got choked up. The man had lived a "good" life, but he didn't get to go in. I went to bed that night with the question "will I be turned a way?" then I thought no I am a saved. Weeks went by I had some doubt, so I asked my dad about doubt and we talked about how Satan will make you doubt things. So, I thought that had to be it. I felt better after talking with Dad, but the doubt was still there. I also talked to mom about this doubt I still had, she said I should pray about this, and she would do the same. I went to bed and prayed "Lord if I'm not saved tell me." Still the doubt was there. I thought God must not be answering me, I still had the doubt.
A few weeks later Elizabeth received a letter from a friend, she was telling Elizabeth how she just been saved. She was saved when she was 4 yr old but she never really made a commitment or had a personal relationship with Christ. She is now 22 and has Christ as the Lord of her life. She also spoke about how she had anger in her life and now it's gone!She went on to tell of her family that some of her family's values were not hers but now they are. She said there is a big difference in her and she felt completely changed, I wanted that feeling too. I didn't want to discuss with my sisters about my doubt, I just was going to keep this to myself. I don't want them to think differently of me.
In October my dad in our family devotions held up two maps Map A and Map B. He said both Map A or Map B lead to the same place, but you can only choose one map. Then he told us a little about each map. Map A was drawn by a man that made the path that lead to the final destination, he knew the map was 100% accurate. There's no easy way there parts of the journey are hard and the path gets rocky and narrow. Or you could choose Map B, this map is easy. You can have as much fun as you want the path is wide. A stranger gave me Map B but he told me it went to the same place. Which one would you choose? We all choose Map A because we knew that that map was made by the man that had made the path. Some of us also knew that Map A lead to Heaven- Map B lead to destruction eternity without Christ! That really sparked something the doubt came back worse then ever. Stephen made a decision the most important decision anyone could make and that was to follow Map A that lead to the cross. Stephen was baptized on his birthday October 16th. Our Pastor asked Stephen to share a brief testimony. Stephen talked about how he didn't want to go to hell and wanted to live with Jesus . I don't think there was a dry eye in that place. I thought about Stephen's words and how he wants to live with Jesus forever. I prayed that night "Lord if I'm saved let me know, if I'm not let me be saved." I would feel a little better, yet in the morning I would feel the same. I asked Elizabeth and Rebekah to pray for me, I just didn't feel right.
Early in December my grandparents invited us to their church play, they both had big parts. I thought it was going to be the story of Christ birth, but boy was I wrong the play was on the end of time. They had the stage set up like heaven and a man was dressed as Peter standing at the gate. Peter was there with the Lambs book of Life, just as it will be at the end of time people were rejoicing to be accepted into heaven and many were turned away to eternity in Hell. There were a few that really stuck out to me like the man whose whole family was able to go into heaven yet he was turned away. He argued how he took his family to church he was a "good guy," but only by his standards. Another (the part my Papaw played) man had all kinds of money but he could not buy his ticket into heaven. He also stated how he gave his money to the church, but he was not allowed in he had never had a personal relationship with Christ. As I watched this play I could not stop thinking it will be a thousand times worse when this! It will happen like a thief in the night. Many people were giving their lives to Christ that night, the Holy Spirit was really moving. On the long drive home my heart ached... would I be like the man who saw his family go into Heaven? Would Peter tell me I couldn't go in? But there was also that little voice that said No, you were baptized your fine. I was in bed in torment thinking what would happen if I died would I go to Heaven? I searched my heart I racked my brain and I could only say I hope I would be in heaven, I think I would but I am not for sure. If only I had someone tell me they knew I would be in Heaven.
A few days after the play it was a normal work day at the store. I went to the lobby to get two dogs for daycare and the lady started telling me about her son. She told me that her son was hunting with his son, they were sitting up in a deer stand. It was really quiet and all of a sudden her son heard the Lord speak to him and say "If you don't get your life straightened up I'm gonna take you out of this World". She said he was scared to death. He started praying while in that tree stand and he told her how he just couldn't wait to get to an alter. She shared with me how he is truly a changed man, how there were things in his life that weren't right and all of a sudden he is a New Creation. It was really neat because he was going to be baptized on Christmas. The change in him had made a difference in the life of his son who was then baptized with him. I got home and told everyone the story I had heard. As I was going to bed I prayed and asked the Lord to speak to me and tell me if I was saved. If you can talk to that man why not me? I got real quite and tried to listen to what the Lord would say but I felt the same, still doubt.
Days passed by and William came to Mom and Dad told them how he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. We were all very happy for him. Mom and Dad talked to William about his decision and prayed with him. He was on fire and you could see a sparkle in his eye the Lord was now living in his heart. That night we talked about when we older children were saved, everyone gave such a vivid account. I racked my brain as the others were talking, I could not think of anything. Was I truly changed? After everyone went to bed I talked with Mom and Dad about how I had been feeling and they prayed with me. I told Mom I just want someone to tell me that I am going to be in Heaven. She told me that no one could do that. I asked her why God wasn't speaking to me, how I had prayed and spent nights in tears wanting this doubt to be gone. Dad reminded me in the movie "The Last Sin Eater" how the girl wanted to be free of her sins so bad that she was willing to do anything. She would go as far as she could to get rid of the pain she had. He asked me "How badly do you want it Amanda?" I prayed harder then I ever had before for the Lord to tell me if I was saved or to come in and save me. In morning I felt better I tried as hard as I could to not get angry, be kind, and have a smile on my face the whole day. On the inside I still had the same doubt I felt like I was falling apart. You can only be so good for so long before your inside starts showing through.
Days passed by and William came to Mom and Dad told them how he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. We were all very happy for him. Mom and Dad talked to William about his decision and prayed with him. He was on fire and you could see a sparkle in his eye the Lord was now living in his heart. That night we talked about when we older children were saved, everyone gave such a vivid account. I racked my brain as the others were talking, I could not think of anything. Was I truly changed? After everyone went to bed I talked with Mom and Dad about how I had been feeling and they prayed with me. I told Mom I just want someone to tell me that I am going to be in Heaven. She told me that no one could do that. I asked her why God wasn't speaking to me, how I had prayed and spent nights in tears wanting this doubt to be gone. Dad reminded me in the movie "The Last Sin Eater" how the girl wanted to be free of her sins so bad that she was willing to do anything. She would go as far as she could to get rid of the pain she had. He asked me "How badly do you want it Amanda?" I prayed harder then I ever had before for the Lord to tell me if I was saved or to come in and save me. In morning I felt better I tried as hard as I could to not get angry, be kind, and have a smile on my face the whole day. On the inside I still had the same doubt I felt like I was falling apart. You can only be so good for so long before your inside starts showing through.
December 27th we went to eat and fellowship with the Dake family. We had a wonderful time. While there we girls were talking in their daughters bedroom, Julia was telling me how she had just been saved, her brother just got saved on Christmas, and her older sister was saved earlier that year. I don't remember what I said or how we got on this subject. Julia told me one thing that was hard is knowing that people don't think less or differently about you because you are older and were saved or thought at one time you were saved... that people really are happy for you. Those words really spoke a lot to me. As we left their house I just kept thinking about the words Julia had said and what a peace that family had and how there was such joy coming from that family.
The next day December 28th was a normal day. I asked Rebekah how the book that she was reading was going. She told me how in the book Lulu was having trouble and her father told her she needed Jesus. She told him she would ask Him in to her heart when she was older, she had "time." He told her that Jesus may not be knocking on the door tomorrow. Wow, all day I thought about how the Lord had been knocking on the door of my heart. I wrote down the things that had happened since May, my eyes were shocked. All this time the Lord had been answering me, I was not saved! The thing was that wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I couldn't wait to get home and talk with mom and Dad.
We had just had family devotions and everyone headed to bed. I followed Mom down stairs as she was making Mary Ann a bottle. I told her that I was not saved and how I am ready to have Jesus come into my heart. She grabbed me by the hand and we headed up stairs, Elizabeth was still up and talking to Dad. I stopped and turned to mom and said "I would rather wait till Elizabeth has gone to bed." She looked at me and I could only think about Julia's words "People are going to be happy for you". I looked at Mom and told her I have to get rid of pride. Mom announced to Dad I had something to say, I told Dad I am not saved and I am ready to be part of The Family of Christ. Dad jumped up from where he was sitting then Dad, Mom, Elizabeth and I stood each one of us in an embrace and I prayed and asked Jesus to come into my heart. We then stayed up till midnight talking and telling about the many great works of the Lord.
The next morning in Bible study I told the rest of the family my decision and asking the Lord to lead my life. I asked William if it would be alright with him if I got baptized with him. He was overjoyed and I was too. Now Mom, Dad, Elizabeth, Rebekah, and Madison all say they had seen a change in me. That is what I wanted I wanted there to be difference in me. It's not all head knowledge anymore, it's heart knowledge. Mom was listening to a Cd and the song below came on and she named it "My theme Song" I could not agree more and every time I hear it I get a boost of new energy. I hope you all can see a change in me as well. I feel different I know now that I am going to heaven when I die. It didn't matter how much "good" I thought I had done, how much scripture I memorized, or how many times I attended church if I did not have a personal relationship with Christ then I would not be in heaven. The sad thing is it was there the whole time, the free gift to me, that cost Jesus Christ his life to save a wretch like me.
William and I were both baptized on January 15th 2012!
Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God;not of works lest any man should boast."
John 3:3 Jesus said, "Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
Romans 6:23 "For the wadges of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Acts 3:19 "Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out."
Romans 10:9-10 "If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and Shalt believe in thine heart that God had raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."
